Are we manly now?

So there you have it! My complete run down of Esquire's "75 Albums Every Man Should Own" list is now complete. Do I feel like I'm a better person because of this experience? If manlier equals better (which, yes, obviously it does) than yes I do. Do I think Esquire did a good job with this list? Of course not, but really how could they? It's an impossibly arbitrary and artificial task. There's no way that any one of these 75 selections could universally be loved by literally half of the world's population just because they have a penis. But it did give me a chance to hear some stuff I might not normally have listened to, so I am a winner to me and my therapist says this counts.


I also found a companion list called, "The 75 Albums Every Woman Should Own" which was put out by BitchBuzz (who describe themselves as "the honest women's magazine" whatever "honesty" is) as a response to the Esquire one... Part of me thinks it might be fun to do this all over again from a LADY PARTS PERSPECTIVE! What do you think?

Time To Get Manly 75: Jeff Buckley - Grace

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Jeff Buckley - Grace

Jeff Buckley's untimely and shocking demise left a lot of music fans heartbroken. It also meant that his debut album Grace would be his only studio album. Too young! Too soon! I get that. I won't deny his talent and can see why people love him. However, I can't help but feel like holding Grace up as some kind of classic masterpiece isn't more a psychological reaction to his tragic death and the fact that he's holding an old-timey microphone on the album's cover. Sure the songs are good, but by all accounts they sound very dated. Plus wading into a river to go swimming by yourself with all your clothes on isn't manly. It's stupid.

Time To Get Manly 74: Mahler - Symphony No. 5

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Mahler - Symphony No. 5

Though I'm no stranger to classical music, I decided to consult an expert for this release, as I happen to be related to a total Mahler nerd. This nerd (aka my sister Christine) was pleased that Esquire selected this particular recording. "This is one of the four Mahler 5 recordings I own!" 5 recordings of the same piece? This proves that classical nerds are basically the same as Deadheads but without the dreads and Birkinstocks. She did concur that Mahler's Symphony No. 5 was manly. "It's a loud, brooding piece with lots of brass - definitely manly." She also said that Mahler proposed to his wife by sending her the manuscript to the 4rd movement. Pretty much puts any and every other proposal idea from then on to shame. No wonder guys ask women out via text these days. WHY BOTHER TRYING? Thanks a lot, MAHLER!

Time To Get Manly 73: Charles Mingus - Mingus Ah Um

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Charles Mingus - Mingus Ah Um

Whew. I was beginning to think that this list was going to be a little too light in the jazz loafers, but the inclusion of the great Mingus definitely butches it up a bit. Mingus Ah Um is a great place to start for jazz beginners because it somehow manages to be challenging and accessible at the same time. If you listen to this and like it, congratulations! You like jazz. If you listen to this and it doesn't do it for you, congratulations! You're officially gay married to Kenny G.

Time To Get Manly 72: Neil Young - Harvest

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Neil Young - Harvest

Harvest is Neil Young's most popular album and it is home to some of his most well known songs ("Heart of Gold" and "Old Man"). That said, there's basically no way you can convince me that Esquire didn't pick this because of the song "A Man Needs A Maid." Which would be unfortunate both because of sexism, and because the song is kind of embarrassingly terrible. For all Harvest's charms, I would have picked Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere. He's looking totally manly on the cover and on sprawling tracks like "Down By the River" ("Down by the river/ I shot my baby") and "Cowgirl in the Sand" ("When so many love you, is it the same?") he gets to show off his guitar prowess and his homicidal mistrust of whores. Win-win for manliness!

Time To Get Manly 71: Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison

What could possibly be more manly than Johnny Cash playing a live show at a prison? It's a musical sausage fest with the added allure of contraband cigarettes and illegal toothbrush shanks! And when the line,"But I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die" results in that much thunderous applause, you know you're one of two places: A maximum security correctional facility or a Republican presidential debate.

Time to Get Manly 70: Tom Waits - Small Change

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Tom Waits - Small Change

Where's Luna's Penthouse represents an idealized version of a social life steeped in parties, drinks and swanky, late-night parties, Tom Waits paints a potentially more accurate picture of that kind of life on Small Change. Even the album cover suggests that perhaps the nightlife isn't as glamorous as it seems. Add to that songs like, "The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)," "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart" and "The One That Got Away," and Small Change becomes the perfect album by which to lick your wounds and sober the fuck up.

Time To Get Manly 69: Buena Vista Social Club - Buena Vista Social Club

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Buena Vista Social Club - Buena Vista Social Club

Everyone who knows history is aware that President Kennedy once sent a bunch of pigs to Cuba as a gift for Fidel Castro which resulted in Castro being all unappreciative and offended because he apparently doesn't eat pork. It was a fiasco. Ever since then, the USA and Cuba have been in a fight over cigars. It's complicated. But Ry Cooder decided this was stupid and got a top notch group of Cuban musicians together to make this record. And it ended up being a fantastic decision. For freedom.

Time To Get Manly 68: Luna - Penthouse

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Luna - Penthouse

"You're out all night/Chasin' girlies/You're late to work/ And you go home early." I have a feeling that these lyrics from "Chinatown" heavily influenced Esquire's decision to include Luna's Penthouse on this list. Because these words encapsulate the very essence of manliness: Non-stop partying, oodles of women, and having a job that pays you enormous sums of money but requires very little responsibility. Ah, the Esquire life! Also, Luna's founder Dean Wareham eventually started a band with and married the woman who was the singing voice for Jem. If that's not a goddamn fairytale existence, I don't know what is.

Time To Get Manly 67: Leonard Cohen - Songs of Leonard Cohen

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Leonard Cohen - Songs of Leonard Cohen

I think the best way to explain my feelings about Leonard Cohen's music is I typically prefer his songs as performed by other people, and even those versions don't really do a whole lot for me. I know this makes me a terrible person. But I am not blind to the fact that Songs of Leonard Cohen left a lasting impression on the music world, and that I am forever indebted to the man for being such a huge influence on so many of my favorite artists. Considering Cohen's lyrical focus on love, lust, women and life, there's enough manly content on Songs... to make just about any man want to pick up a guitar and dream about becoming a Canadian folk singer. 

Time To Get Manly 66: Sam Cooke - Night Beat

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Sam Cooke - Night Beat

The title of this record suggests some kind of after-hours hot spot - loud music, friends, dancing, friends, drinking... But the songs on Night Beat suggest that other kind of night beat - the one when you're all alone with your thoughts and it's so quiet you can hear your own pulse. That's the place where some of the best music comes from, and Sam Cooke delivers a whole record to prove it. Night Beat's sad bastard songs combined with perfect-yet-stark instrumentation makes it the perfect showcase for Cooke's voice - one of the finest ever.

Time To Get Manly 65: Beethoven - Symphony No. 5

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Beethoven - Symphony No. 5

Oooh, Esquire's dropping a bit of manly sophistication into the mix with the inclusion of some "classical music." And really, what's more manly than a man in a wig and tights, right? Haha. Stop being a dick. Beethoven, though emotionally unstable, plagued by chronic pain and early onset hearing loss, was a motherfucking musical badass. Of his nine symphonies, this one is probably the most immediately recognizable, especially if you're a fan of Saturday Night Fever. So yeah, when you're done listening to Slick Rick, put this on to scrub some of that filth out of your brain.

Time To Get Manly 64: Vic Chesnutt - Left to His Own Devices

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Vic Chesnutt - Left to His Own Devices

Though Vic Chesnutt's inclusion on this list of manly records is another one of a handful of pleasant surprises, Left to His Own Devices is a weird choice. But really, almost any record from his career would do the trick. After a car accident left him paralyzed and wheelchair bound in his late teens, Chesnutt learned to adapt so he could still play guitar. Listen to the beautiful, a cappella closing song, "I'm Still Alive" for some gritty-yet-optimistic realism the next time you need strength and inspiration to forge ahead in tough times.

Time To Get Manly 63: The Who - Who's Next

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

The Who - Who's Next

Before becoming New York and Miami's most renowned crime scene investigators, the Who were one of the most renowned rock bands of the 60's and 70's. It's true! Who's Next is sandwiched between Tommy and Quadrophenia in the Who's discography. In addition to being one of the band's finest records, it is also obviously more manly than Tommy and Quadrophenia seeing as it doesn't have the word "opera" associated with it.

Time To Get Manly 62: Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine

Rage Against the Machine's debut album proved to be the perfect soundtrack for throngs of angry young men looking for somewhere to focus their overflowing testosterone and angst. After being indoctrinated by Rage's leftist views, these revolutionaries then took to the streets malls of America. There they bought Che Guevara T-shirts and brooded angrily over their Mrs. Field's cookies as they waited in vain for a mall cop to fuck with them. To call this record a "face melter," no matter how accurate, seems wholly inappropriate considering the whole "self immolation" thing. But it totally is.

Time To Get Manly 61: Stevie Wonder - Songs in the Key of Life

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Stevie Wonder - Songs in the Key of Life

It's hard to believe that Songs in the Key of Life was record number eighteen for Stevie Wonder. Most artists, if they even manage to reach album eighteen, are comfortably settled into the "washed up and embarrassingly mediocre" period of their career. Not Mr. Wonder. He decided it was probably time to go ahead and release his best record ever. Which is saying a lot since he'd been virtually unstoppable since the release of 1972's Talking Book. Of course, all of this was just warm up and prep for Wonder's true masterpiece: "I Just Called to Say I Love You." 

Time To Get Manly 60: Joe Jackson - Look Sharp!

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Joe Jackson - Look Sharp!

Do you think people, in general, are willfully ignorant sheep? Are you frustrated by the injustices, pain and all around absurdities of love and relationships? Do you use caustic sarcasm and wry observation to wall off your real vulnerability from those around you? Can you pull off these shoes? If you answered yes to all four questions, there are two things you should know. The first is, get yourself a copy of Look Sharp! immediately. The second is in your dreams could you pull off those shoes.

Time To Get Manly 59: Liz Phair - Exile In Guyville

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

Liz Phair - Exile In Guyville

I was wondering when we'd see some vaginas on this list, and I have no qualms with the first "lady parts record" being Liz Phair's amazing Exile In Guyville. I do take issue with Esquire's glibly sexist write up: "Liz Phair can make you feel ashamed to be a man. And to want to make it up to her." I hope Ms. Phair takes whoever wrote this, rolls them up in plastic, tosses 'em up and pumps them full of lead. I wouldn't put it past her - I hear she's a real cunt in Spring.

Time To Get Manly 58: The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds

I randomly ran across a list of what Esquire magazine claims are "The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own." In this series of posts, I'll explore these manly, manly sounds.

The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds

It seems reasonable for each and every man's record collection to feature Pet Sounds, since it has been called "the greatest album of all time" about a bajillion times. Incredibly, it was created by an all-consumed musical madman who actually set out to make the greatest album of all time. Talk about accomplishing your goals! Sure, Brian Wilson then basically went insane and sat in a sandbox in his bathrobe for years after that, but perfection comes at a price, people.