“None. I don’t want any of those pieces of shit CDs.”

I just finished reading Mish Way's awesome Noisey piece "Why I Hate CDs and How They've Made Me Mental" and highly recommend it. I am quite fond of anecdotal evidence that CDs are stupid and the worst. Of course, I didn't alway hold this opinion. The wall of carefully alphabetized CDs at my house makes this glaringly obvious. But at this point in time, if I like an artist enough that I want to give them money, I want the record. If your band doesn't have a vinyl version of the recording, I'll settle for a download and a shirt or tampon case or some other such exciting merch option. But there are only two ways I'll spend money on a CD today: if I come across a fun/rare disc in the bargain bin of a record store, or I find a Paula Abdul CD (preferably Spellbound) at a garage sale which I will purchase for the sole purpose of someday leaving it under the windshield wiper of a poorly parked car with a note that says, "I'm sorry it has to end this way, but I can't live with myself anymore. I know you'll never leave your family for me. At least we'll always have 'Rush Rush.' Think of me."

It even bothers me when  I see strangers buying CDs. I went to see Langhorne Slim with my girlfriend on Memorial Day and watched a young lesbo walk up to the merch table and hand over money for his new CD. It literally took everything I had not to smack it out of her hand while yelling, "Nooooo! What are you doing?!" Because not only was there a (beautiful white!) vinyl version for sale as well, but it came with the CD in it. But it's not my job to teach the young lesbians of the world how to live their lives - otherwise we'd see a lot less awful hats and faux hawks. 

Also, as an added bonus, Way's article led me to her band White Lung. Their new album Sorry is pretty effing rad. Listen to it. And then go buy it. On limited color vinyl (duh).

Pre-Order Punishment

This record came out Tuesday. I ordered it April 17th. Still don't have it. Also, boobs.

So! Your band is releasing a new album. Because this whole "buying the physical product" thing is getting more and more passé by the day, you decide to do a limited pre-sale or pre-order. To add some sweet ass incentive, you decide to do something unique. For instance, maybe the pre-orders come with a commemorative t-shirt, or are pressed on a limited run of colored vinyl, or you include a special edition wall thermometer with your lead singer's crotch at the bottom so it looks like he's getting a giant red boner every time it's hot outside. So many possibilities!

This is all well and good, but something is bothering me about the way a lot of these pre-orders are being handled. It boils down to this: Who is most likely to pre-order your record and even give a shit about the limited edition vinyl or boner thermometer? Your biggest fans, right? So it should follow that your biggest fans, who have given you their money before anybody else, should have the album before everybody else. This seems reasonable. So why is it that so many bands don't/won't/can't ship the record in order to get it to pre-order customers by street date? This just seems like a shitty way to repay the people who like you the most.

Think of it this way. Remember in pre-internet days when people would actually camp out in front of their local Ticketmaster location in order to get tickets to a show? These people, crazy as they may be, were obviously huge fans. So when the store employees showed up, should they've let those fans in the door first or last? It seems obvious, right? The same goes for the fans that pre-ordered your record: They were first in line.

Now, you may be thinking something like, "Well, we can't ship before street date because of laws!" or "The physical record wasn't ready to ship until the very last second!" Yes. This makes sense. But if you can't/won't ship the record so it arrives as close as possible to the actual release date, you owe it to your fans to provide a digital download code or at least an album stream so they can listen to the record they have already paid for. Because anything less and you're basically saying, "Thanks for liking us enough to camp out for our record. Now get in the back of the line." You might as well ship the record with a note that says, "Here's your order. Sorry your dumb friend who only knows one of our songs bought the CD at Target the day it came out and you're only now just getting it a week or so late. Also, fuck you."

Extras and bundles are awesome, but the whole point of your existence is the music. And you should be thanking your lucky stars that anybody gives enough of a shit about your songs to send you money in advance of hearing them. Because after being let down one too many times, you'll be lucky if they even bother to give you another dime.

"I hope you are in a nice hotel playing cards in your room."

Using the powers of Facebook, Lambchop just told me to listen to this song because Tony Crow, one of the guys from Lambchop, is half responsible for it. Since I would do just about anything that Kurt Wagner (or whoever the admin of his band's Facebook page) tells me, I went ahead and listened. This despite the fact the description said the other guy half responsible for this, Mark Nevers is in the band Yuck. I have been told by like, a million people that I should like Yuck so much. But instead, though I don't actively dislike them, I find myself not able to care about them at all. BUT! This song! It may be a cover, but I have only listened to the Porcelain Raft record a couple of times so I am in no way familiar enough with the original for this to really feel like a cover, you know? It's really beautiful. I'm now checking out some of Mark Nevers' other Oupa songs and I'm really liking it. A lot. Are you at least half satisfied now Yuck fans?


You can buy this too - a limited number (300) hand stamped white vinyl 7" record. Mmmm...


Also! Don't forget! Lambchop's new record comes out February 21st on Merge AND they're coming to The Ark in Ann Arbor on April 23rd! Are you peeing your pants with excitement? Also I am.

I can't WAIT until this comes in the mail

In an effort to both keep the United States Postal Service alive and to satisfy my vinyl appetite, I pre-ordered the new Damien Jurado record Maraqopa from Secretly Canadian. The record is being released the week after Valentine's Day, so all you lonely, heartbroken and forlorn people, hang in there because you have something to look forward to! I'm a big fan of extra fun stuff with pre-orders, and I think SC is doing a good job with this. As they say:


"Several great songs from the Maraqopa sessions did not fit on the album, so Secretly Canadian is releasing six of them via special 7"s that will come with pre-orders of the record. 7"s will be randomly inserted into the regular edition bundles, but the deluxe edition will include all three 7". What songs you receive will be a surprise, unless you decide to buy them all!" 


As much as I love surprises, my OCD also kind of forces me to live by the phrase, "Collect 'em all!" So the "Deluxe Bundle" deal was obviously too sweet to pass up:

• LP on GREEN VINYL
• CD 6 panel wallet
• 11 x 17 poster on uncoated stock
• All three 7"s
• Instant MP3 download

Did I mention the 7"s are all primary color vinyl? Hooray! Thanks for reading my record release dream diary, Secretly Canadian.