It is time to bring back the "nosy neighbor"

Like many people in the country, I’ve been more or less transfixed by the horrific kidnapping story in Cleveland. This is partially due to my very robust true crime obsession, but also because so much of the setting and many of the people remind me very much of my neighborhood in the Northwest corner of Hamtramck, Michigan. Unlike those who have watched this story unfold from the comfort of their suburban surroundings in a semi-detached way, I’ve watched it thinking, “This feels way too familiar.”

I’m not suggesting that one of my neighbors is currently holding women captive against their will. I sure hope that is not the case. "How could nobody have known something so horrible was happening?” has been a common refrain since the story broke on Monday. In neighborhoods like mine, made up of very disparate groups, people don’t often talk to each other and socialize. Some, like the large Bengali population in my city, are even further isolated from their neighbors by language and cultural barriers. Many people are renters who, judging from the condition of their properties, don’t feel rooted in the community and have really shitty people for landlords. Several of the houses on my street (and MANY more in the Detroit and Highland Park neighborhoods that border us) are unoccupied and/or in serious disrepair.

Additionally, many people generally don’t like or trust law enforcement. And it’s hard to heal damage and build bridges when our police and fire departments are constantly facing the threat (and often the reality of) budget cuts and layoffs. City services workers are doing the best they can with limited resources and staffing. As much as I would like the reality to be different, under these kinds of conditions, sometimes things fall through the cracks or go unnoticed in neighborhoods like this. Even horrific, nightmarish things.

It dawned on me while reading the reports on how often/if ever neighbors called the police about that horror house in Cleveland that many people don’t really understand how calling the police works. I am no expert, but here’s what I think is super important: When you call the police about something, that complaint is kept on file. You might feel like it’s a “waste of time” to call the police for the _nth time about something you’ve yet to see any real action on, but it gives the police yet another piece of evidence to help make their case should they get to the point where an arrest can be made. You’re providing yet another dot that can be connected. The police need the help of civilians to get these dots. They can’t do it on their own. If you want a more cynical spin on it, think of it this way: The police might not act unless you and others make a lot of noise. So keep calling on stuff if it doesn’t change/gets worse/happens again. I’ve had more than one police officer use the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” in conversations about when/if they should be contacted about something.

We as citizens are just as important in this picture as law enforcement. If there’s one glaring lesson to be learned from Cleveland, it’s that we need to look out for each other and our neighborhoods. Too often people shy away from “getting involved” and insulate themselves from those around them. This is hurting us and the quality of life in our neighborhoods. That’s why it is time to bring back the nosy neighbor.

I’m not suggesting you immediately start doing neighborhood patrols or baking cookies for the family that lives downstairs from you. Though those would be pretty awesome things to do. Instead, I ask you to consider the following questions:

• Do you know the names of the people that live on either side of you and across the street? 
• When something is off in your neighborhood, do you take the time to bring it to somebody’s attention/fix it? 
• Are you aware of which houses on your street are rentals and what the current status is of the ones that are unoccupied? 
• Have you ever heard or witnessed a domestic dispute and decided against calling the police because, “it’s not my business?”

 
That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about when I say “nosy neighbor.” It’s not even being nosy - it used to be called, “being a good neighbor.” It’s easy to insulate and take a “mind your business” approach, but we need to fill in the gaps and take initiative if we want to see anything change. And change doesn’t happen when we take the easy route.

Creative equality: Some of my favorite marriage equality logo variations

Every gay person I've ever met has spent some portion of their life feeling alone, outnumbered, scared and unsupported. I started the coming out process in 1996 - the year Bill Clinton signed DOMA into law. I was incredibly fortunate overall with a loving and supportive family and amazing friends. But that doesn't mean that it's been an easy journey. It's been incredibly daunting, exhausting and heartbreaking. So as inconsequential as the changing of one's Facebook picture may seem, I want to let each and every one of you know that I appreciate the fact you give a shit. Like, so much. Thank you.

My Bloody Marriage Rights

Equality goggles 

Librarians for equality!

This is apparently from Dr. Who!

Yoda's on the right side of history

Are there gay cylons?

America's original gay sweethearts

America's original lesbian sweethearts

Dogs against discrimination!

Corg-i-quality!

Author Sugi Ganeshananthan's book Love Marriage, in different languages.

Don't be a grump about marriage equality!

There's nothing to say this isn't veggie bacon. Which is gay bacon.

Finally: A use for Peeps!

I like this more for the time involved than the finished product.

Thank you Mario! But your equal rights are in another castle!

Kitty Pride

Equality rides: 25 cents

Touch of gay.

Equality for ALL

Marriage is Divine!

Put a (gay) ring on it.

Let them eat (gay) cake.

Willie Motherfuckin' Nelson

Video I like alert: Destroy This Place

If you're in need of a SCOTUS sanity break, check out the new video for "Graves" by Destroy This Place. I love these guys. My favorite part of the video is when Sean, after he finishes his breakfast, takes the time to rinse out his bowl and put it in the dishwasher. It can be done, people.

New record is out May 14 on Bellyache Records with a release show May 17 at PJ's Lager House. See you there.

Not that Shocked: An Open letter to Michelle Shocked

Now with ironic title!

"When they stop Prop 8 and force priests at gunpoint to marry gays, it will be the downfall of civilization, and Jesus will come back." - Michelle Shocked to a flabbergasted crowd of protest song-lovin' San Francisco lesbians, 3-17-13

Dear Michelle:

Holy hatred, Ms. Shocked! That's quite the little anti-gay ranty-rant you gave at your recent San Francisco show. You are front and center in the news for possibly the first time since... I can't remember when you were last relevant, but at least the mid-90's. Your ability to obliterate your entire fan base in one evening is disturbingly impressive. You've got to be aware that, over the course of your whole career, your music has only appealed to one demographic: Rat-tailed lesbians with terrible taste in music (and hair styles). But apparently Jesus told you to go ahead and throw that all away in His name, huh? I hope, for your sake, he's got a career back-up plan for you. Because Holy Shit.

I'll just go ahead and say it: I have never liked your music. At all. But that doesn't mean I take any pleasure in watching you spiral out of control like a Baptist minister on a secret meth-fueled gay sex rampage. I think it's troublesome. I think you need help.  

Did you know that fervent religiosity is a red flag for a myriad of mental disorders? It's true! I highly suggest you pick up the book Devil in the Details: Scenes From an Obsessive Girlhood* by Jenny Traig. She talks about growing up dealing with scrupulosity, which is basically OCD with a religious bent. She also provides several examples of how some of the best-known religious leaders in history probably suffered from this as well. Which doesn't surprise me at all. I heard an NPR report on a church where the congregants spoke in tongues, and they did a little interview with a woman who interjected the word "Hey!" several times per sentence. Like how you would if you were hosting a party and wanted to quickly acknowledge new guests entering while you conversed with somebody. Her quote was basically like, "I believe that (hey!) the Lord is (hey!) speaking through me (hey!)..." My first thought was, "Hmm. That sounds an awful lot more like Tourette's Syndrome than it does a woman overcome by the power of His glory..." Since God supposedly works in "mysterious ways," I think he should employ some ways that are less like how crazy people act.

My point is, you owe it to yourself (and your fans) to go get a psych evaluation. Something is not right with you. I read a lot of advice columns in which people write in to complain about a sudden change in a loved one's behavior, and the first thing that's always recommended is to get that person checked out. Sometimes our brains need a tune up. Ain't no shame in that.

So, yeah. I'm pissed at your behavior and hateful words, but also worried about you. You've entered Victoria Jackson territory. She's so far gone I can't even be mad at her. Her rants are just depressing. Maybe that's your plan though! Maybe you and Ms. Jackson are already mapping out your double-headlining "Pathological and Pathetic: The Unchecked Mental Illness Tour." If so, I'll be sure to not buy tickets. Because this is America. And if you want to let yourself passively sink into shameful obscurity, it's your right. And it's my right to refuse to buy tickets to the crazy show. But it's not too late to help yourself. 

Thinking of you in this embarrassingly difficult time,

Laura

*I don't generally like to link to Amazon because I'd rather people support their local indie bookstore, but with your revenue stream coming to a screeching, gay-hating halt, I figure you'll need the lowest priced copy possible.

Fillet Misty for me...

To the people freaking out about the horse meat "scandal:" Your arbitrary distinction between animals that are "ok to eat" and animals that are "gross/wrong to eat" is very perplexing to me. But then again, so is your decision to purchase and consume two dozen Swedish meatballs for $1.00 during a shopping break at a discount furniture store.

Ok. I personally think it's wrong to eat all animals, not just horses. But this horse meat fiasco shows how arbitrary humans are about the animals and ultimately, the food they consume. Considering how inundated we are with sensational news stories, it's usually best to try to quell the alarmist side of our brain. Otherwise we'd spend all of our time hiding in our make-shift bunkers, drinking distilled water from BPA-free bottles and wondering when Obama will order a drone strike on our property so he can steal our guns from our cold, dead hands. But in light of this horse meat story, I don't think it's an alarmist reaction to ask yourself, "Hmmm... what the fuck are we actually eating nowadays?"   

This is true for everybody, but especially true for meat eaters. Truth be told, the process of turning an animal into a meal is more horrifying and barbaric than anything in the Saw movie franchise. It is therefore not surprising that people would rather not think about what animals being "raised for meat" entails, or to really question the arbitrary distinction we make between companion animals and food animals. It's far too messy to question that arbitrary line. I can understand that. But there are consequences to our willful ignorance. 

The meat industry does not worry much about consumers holding them accountable because they know the people have basically settled on a "this ground chuck is delicious, just don't tell me how it's made" approach. I think it's crucial to be more cognizant of where all of our food comes from and to hold the food industry to higher standards. But this is especially true for meat since so much cruelty, suffering and pain goes into the making of it. Which makes right now a perfect opportunity for all of us to do some reevaluation of our food choices.

People want to know that the food they're eating is safe and contains what the label says it contains. But by and large, we just make assumptions and allow slick marketing and packaging to placate our food concerns. I know people who have taken months to research the perfect iPhone case. I know very few people who have taken even an hour to research the food they're eating. And I fully include myself in this latter category. (Though not the former. I don't care that much about technology accessories.)

I know that I can't convince you to stop eating meat, though that would be pretty awesome if you did. But I think you owe it to yourself, your family and the animals that end up on your plate to do even some cursory research into what you're putting into your body, where it comes from and what your grocery money is supporting. Read "The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food" by Michael Moss which just appeared in the New York Times Magazine. I also suggest checking out the blog 100 Days of Real Food and taking the 10 Day real Food Pledge. I will be.

Or, you can get all reactionary and scream "nanny state!" and make the case that you can eat yourself to death if you want to and nobody's gonna tell you otherwise. And that's fine. You're on an MSG bender and it's making you cranky. We get it. But you're not "sticking it to the man" by allowing the food industry call all the shots about your diet. You're not "standing up to government tyranny." You're just needlessly ingesting garbage and compromising your own health for no reason. Why do that? Don't you deserve better?

This is all coming from somebody who, if left to her own devices, would subsist on Red Bull, Little Debbie and frozen pizza. So believe me, reevaluating and changing my food choices is going to be a personal challenge. But I'm in the fortunate position to have the resources to take on that challenge. And I'm not gonna let some little girl in a checkered dress send me to an early grave, even if her snacks are fucking delicious.  Because there are way greater joys in life than Swiss rolls and I'm gonna aim for 'em. So should you.

Less horse. More health. Let's do this. 

It's like a jungle sometimes...

Johnny Marr's first official solo album The Message comes out on February 26. Hooray! While the title track is not, as I had momentarily hoped, a cover of Grandmaster Flash's "The Message," it sounds pretty damn good! I've always been somewhat perplexed by Marr's post-Smith's career choices. Though he's been involved with some cool stuff (The The, Electronic), his contributions to these projects have always been pretty subdued. Rarely has his amazingly distinct guitar sound taken center stage since Morrissey and Marr parted ways in 1987.

Marr has also played with bands that he's clearly overqualified for (Modest Mouse, The Cribs), though I suppose if it made him happy, that's what counts right? Sure. He also put together Johnny Marr + the Healers in the early 2000's. This was a band with Ringo Starr's son and some dude from Kula Shaker (remember them?). Their one full length Boomslang was overall disappointing and, like all his other post-Smiths work, his shimmery guitar work was mostly buried in generic-sounding Brit pop tunes. 

So I have some high hopes for The Message! It's only been like 25 years or so since Johnny Marr's blown our minds... maybe he's finally ready to do it again!

Instant Bollywood gratification

I was recently asked to provide some movie suggestions for the Bollywood novice that can be found on Netflix's Watch Instantly service. It will come as no surprise to those that know me that I went a little overboard in answering this request, providing titles, my comments, links etc. Because I've had a few people over the years ask for suggestions, I thought it would be prudent to post them here as well.

Though not nearly as many of my favorites are available as I'd like, there are quite a few good Bollywood movies on Watch Instantly. I've broken them down into categories (which I have essentially made up) for easier decision-making. Sadly, few of my favorite 1970's Bollywood movies are on Watch Instantly - an era for which I have a particular soft spot. So all of my choices here are relatively newish. All of these selections qualify as both "movies to watch if you've never seen Bollywood" and "movies Laura really likes." Keep in mind that I am not a film snob. There is some serious cheese in some of these films, and I embrace this cheese wholeheartedly.  

"Gateway" Bollywood

"Gateway" Bollywood essentially means, "Non-Bollywood Indian movies for people who like indie films." If your favorite movies are the ones shown at tiny art house theaters, you might very well be turned off by the often hamfisted, commercial, song-and-dance spectacle of an all-out Bollywood film. These two movies are lighter on the cheese factor - more real. If you like 'em, move on to one of the others on this list!

Kahaani (2012) "A pregnant woman's search for her missing husband takes her from London to Kolkata, but everyone she questions denies having ever met her husband."

Kahaani was my favorite movie of 2012. Vidya Balan is easily my favorite actress at the moment, and her performance in this movie could make anybody a believer. It is one of those films that can be easily spoiled if you read too much about it before watching, so just jump right in!

Monsoon Wedding (2001) "A stressed father, a bride-to-be with a secret, a smitten event planner, and relatives from around the world create much ado about the preparations for an arranged marriage in India." 

There is no formal occasion more beautiful and captivating to me than an Indian wedding. So! Many! Marigolds! This movie is a sweet and very beautiful exploration of human emotion and relationships.  

Classic Masala 

"Masala" is the term used to describe your quintessential Bollywood movie - perfect specimens of what Hindi cinema is all about. Want a roller coaster ride through basically all the genres (emphasis on romance and adventure) with lavish song and dance numbers? You got it. Pure escapism.

Bunty Aur Babli (2005) "Two mismatched characters go on a wild road trip in Uttar Pradesh and, while being dogged by a policeman, fall in love."

So. Much. Fun. Rani Mukarjee is one of my favorite actresses. Please don't judge her based on her fake crying at the beginning of this movie. Even though it is hard not to. Huge hat tip to one of my favorite bloggers, Beth Loves Bollywood, for recommending this movie to me.

Over-the-Top Melodrama

The only thing that really separates my Over-the-Top Melodrama category from the Classic Masala category, is more crying. That, and a plot with a more serious focus.
  

Fanaa (2006) "Set in Delhi and the Kashmir Valley, a blind woman falls in love with a rakish tour guide who hides a terrible secret..." 

If you can look past Aamir Khan's bad wig this movie (bad wigs being a serious problem in Bollywood for some reason) Fanaa is melodrama gold.

Over-the-Top Action
Suspension of disbelief is important in all Bollywood viewing, but particularly for action films. Bollywood can make Hollywood action movies seem realistic. So much fun.

Ghajini (2008) "A student is endangered after she warns a wealthy male that a crazed recluse with short term memory loss is out to kill him, not knowing the reason behind the recluse's actions."

The quickest way to describe this is "the Bollywood version of Momento." Keep in mind that Bollywood movies based on Hollywood movies veer off the plot early and rarely come back. So don't expect anything but loose parallells between them. That said, this is excellent fun.

Singham (2011) "A humiliated gangster uses his influence and goon power to terrorize a newly transferred police officer." 

This movie has a tremendous action scene in which the hero pulls a man out of a car that's flying through the air with his bare hands. I don't see why I have to say anything else here.

Race (2008) "Ranvir Singh runs a successful business he inherited from his father. His younger brother Rajiv Singh mooches off of Ranvir and is an alcoholic."

Mix in girls, jealousy, betrayal and horse racing. Stir. Lots of plot twists. Explosions. 

Tashan (2008) "A woman runs off with her gangster boss's money, and he hires her betrayed ex-lover and a bounty hunter to bring her back."

One of the stars is Anil Kapoor who you'll recognize from 'Slumdog Millionare.' 

Romantic Comedies
If you want something fun and light, these two movies should do the trick. When the conservative cultural conventions of India clash with the modern views of contemporary life, it makes for some really great romantic tension, drama and comedy.

Mere Brother Ki Dulhan (2011) "A young man tries to arrange a marriage for his brother, but finds himself falling in love with the chosen fiancée."

A silly, sweet romantic comedy with fun music and wedding scenes. Plus, I happen to think Imran Khan (no relation to Aamir) is super cute and charming.

I Hate Luv Storys (2010) "Jay doesn't believe in love Stories, and Simran, is a girl who's in love with the idea of Love itself."

Another silly, sweet romantic comedy starring Imran Khan. In this one, he plays somebody who works in the movie industry, but is cynical about the romantic stories in the very movies he helps make! You can see where this is going...

Super Fucking Long Historical Movies
Into historic costumes and battle scenes? Well, Bollywood serves 'em up in spades. One of my favorite movies is the 4-hour Lagaan, which sadly isn't available on Watch Instantly, but it certainly prepared me for Bollywood's typically long run times. Now when somebody says, "Wow, such-and-such film is over 2 hours long, I roll my eyes. Please. I watch Bollywood.

Jodhaa Akbar (2008) "A sixteenth century love story about a marriage of alliance that gave birth to true love between a great Mughal emperor, Akbar, and a Rajput princess, Jodha." 

I have only seen the first half hour of this, but that's because I started watching it at an inopportune time. Been meaning to get back to it. Fun fact: The star, Hrithik Roshan, has two thumbs on one of his hands.

So there you have it! Give one of these films a chance and let me know what you think.