Tuesday, September 29, 2009

She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean

So, my girlfriend and I are now the proud owners of a new (to us) 2008 Honda Fit. We bought the car from a family owned used car dealer near Great Lakes Crossing. They have a small lot of cars, and a modest show room. The showroom had a few cool, olden days cars, a motor cycle with a carriage-like apparatus on the back and more taxidermy than I've ever seen in one place - including a whole bear. The guy who sold us the car also inadvertently told us an anecdote about one of the trucks on the lot that clued us into his church going nature. So between the dead stuffed animals and the Christianity, it was the perfect place for a lesbian couple - both vegetarians - to buy a car.

Of course, any test drive of a car should include trying out the CD player/sound system. I am not expecting Bose quality sound from a factory installed speaker system, but if a speaker is blown, there is overall crappy sound or the CD player is broken, that's a deal breaker. So we brought a couple CDs along with us on the test drive. As luck would have it, when I switched the stereo from FM to CD, there was already a disc in the player! I popped it out and was very excited to find the mix you see pictured here: "Dennis + Angela's Wedding MIX 2003 (or is that a 5?) October 18." With nothing to go by but the mix title and the songs, I'm going to assume the following:

  • Our new car previously belonged to Dennis, and this is a mix of songs from his wedding reception.
  • Dennis did not make this CD - it was given to him by the wedding DJ
  • The wedding DJ was either a really burned out professional, or a friend who has iTunes and volunteered to DJ the reception as a wedding gift.
  • The songs on this CD are presented in the order they were played at the reception.
  • Dennis is white and graduated from college no earlier than 2003.

It was a lot of fun playing it all the way through not knowing what would come on next. Let's just take a look at the disc track by track, shall we?

1. Bad Company - Feel Like Makin' Love
With this setting the tone as the first track, we knew we were in for one heck of a wedding mix.

2, Billy Idol - White Wedding
The inclusion of this song is as painfully unoriginal as it is painfully inappropriate. I have had actual wedding DJs tell me they won't play this even if somebody requests it. So that's a good test if you're talking to a potential DJ for your wedding - ask them their thoughts on this song.

3. Queen - Another One Bites the Dust
I've heard more than one person say they wanted this song played at their funeral. Ha ha! There's nothing your grieving loved ones will like more than your eye rollingly predictable after death jokes! It does seems an odd choice for a wedding though. But it has that funky bassline, so I'll give it a pass.

4. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
This is one of my favorite MJ songs. It's also one of those songs that, when it starts, people are all, "Yeah, I love this one!" and rush out on the dance floor. What most of them don't realize, is that it's six minutes long. By minute four, people are perspiring and losing steam, but nobody wants to admit it, so they smile and switch to a slight side-to-side shuffle with small up and down hand movements while they slowly move toward the edge of the dance floor in hopes they can find an escape. I think DJs play this song to test the stamina of your out of shape guests.

5. ZZ Top - Sharp Dressed Man
I have no doubt the groom, his best man and the other men in the wedding party danced around to this song like, "Yeah - this is about ME! I've got a tux on and I look SHARP!!" One hopes the bride was paying close attention, as this may actually be the last time the term "sharp dressed man" can be applied here. The terms "watching sports in his underwear man" and "sweatpants all the time man" might not roll off the tongue the same way, but they'll quickly become apt descriptors for her man as he settles in.

6. AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long
Overplayed or not, this song is awesome. No complaints here.

7. Madonna - Holiday
I guess it's a better choice for a wedding reception than "Like A Prayer," "Justify My Love" or "Papa Don't Preach."

8. Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive
I heard on NPR a few months ago that this was THE song to think of as you performed CPR. The tempo is exactly how fast you should do chest compressions or some such. When I first heard the story, I thought the lady was saying that you only do the compressions during the "stayin' alive, stayin' alive..." part and just rest while singing the other parts of the song in your head until it comes back around to that part again. You better hope that if you ever need CPR that I'm not the only person around.

9. Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl
My dad told me a story about this song once that will forever stay with me every time I hear it. When he was a boy, he apparently had a crush on a girl with a big birthmark on her arm. So the other boys would tease him and sing "brown armed girl." Kids can be so cruel, yet so clever!

10. Garth Brooks - Friends In Low Places
This song is the great equalizer at a wedding reception. Your bedazzled sweats-clad cousin who brought Milwaukee's Best in a flask and your rich uncle who has never loosened his tie in his life and considers a Saab an "affordable starter car" can both stomp around and proudly celebrate their white trash roots.

11. 50 Cent - In Da Club
This is the point of the evening where everybody's drunk enough to be open to "black people music." It's time to get jiggy wit' it!

12. The Doors - Back Door Man
Really? This is just too easy. I refuse to make the obvious joke here. So I'll just say this: I hate the Doors.

13. Neil Young - Harvest Moon (live)
This was the first really pleasant surprise on the disc. Great song. I DO think it's weird to use a live version, but maybe the bride and groom met at a Neil Young concert, right?

14. Robert Palmer - Addicted To Love
What wedding would be complete without some Robert Palmer?

15. Phish - Bouncing Around the Room
The inclusion of this song is proof that the bride and groom went to college.

16. Ben Harper - Sexual Healing (live)
This is the only song on the CD that my girlfriend and I couldn't immediately identify. We knew the song of course, but not the artist. It only took a quick Google search to find it though. Again, weird to use the live track. This song clocks in at almost six minutes which just seems uncomfortably long for a "sexy" song. I hope nobody on the dance floor got pregnant.

17. Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On
Ok! Jesus! We get the point! You're married now and can finally see each other naked. Get on with it already.

Well, happiness to the Dennis and Angela on their upcoming 4th or maybe 6th wedding anniversary. Thank you for accidentally sharing your memories with us - it made our first trip in our new car that much more fun.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is really funny, and pretty much a typical/corny wedding mix...don't you think?

KARIN

(me) said...

Hey Karin - Yes, this mix could hardly be more typical of a corny wedding. I kind of love that about it though, because it's like an anthropological artifact. Something we could send into space along with Pop Tarts, a NASCAR matchbox car and a DVD of reality television to show aliens what Americans are like.

Meghan said...

I'm now tempted to start going around to used car dealerships and test driving cars for the sole purpose of leaving my own mixes behind in the CD players. There will be no Phish on my mixes, even though I went to college.

(me) said...

I am sure all your mixes would be Phish free. They would also be awesome and some car buyer would be a lucky person.

D'Anne Witkowski said...

" I hope nobody on the dance floor got pregnant."

Ha ha (real laughter).

I think Meghan's idea to leave mixes throughout the CD players in used car lots everywhere is a great idea. Don't forget the Gaster Del Sol, Meghan!

Jean-Luc Garbo said...

This made my day.

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