Record Reviews: Condo Fucks, 1990's

As each Tuesday morning comes into focus, there are two things you can be certain of: that it is no longer Monday, and that the Detour New Music Preview will be posted for your reading enjoyment. This time around I write up the 1990’s and Condo Fucks. Hold on. I just read that first sentence again, and it’s just not sitting well with me. Truthfully, you can’t completely be sure of either of those things. Or anything for that matter. For all you know, you’ll go to bed Monday night and a meteorite will hit your home. Or, considering they don’t really need to be all that accurate in their impact to kill you, your neighbor’s home. Either way, no Tuesday morning for you! Likewise, if a meteorite hit all the houses of anybody with the ability to upload content to the Detour site, there would be no New Music Preview, even if your lucky ass survived this freakish and deadly celestial accident and was able to read about it on the internet. Actually, I recently learned that there are no accidents. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Music Writing: Indie Parents

When it comes to children, Whitney Houston and I have a similar opinion: We both believe that we “need a man who'll take a chance on a love that burns hot enough to last.” No wait – that’s our shared opinion on wanting to dance with somebody, and ultimately feeling the heat with that somebody. Never mind. I have been thinking a lot about kids lately though – not as in, me thinking about having kids. I mean, it’s fine for some people, but I don’t want that kind of life for myself. But my sister and her wife are expecting their first child in July – this will make me an aunt for the very first time. When I think of this, I alternate between a sense of awe and being drunk on the power my influence will yield over their child. I pretty much think I was born to play the part of the cool aunt. Also, frequent exposure to me lessens the chance that when said child encounters another short haired woman, that he will either ask her or whisper to one of his moms, “Is that a boy or a girl?” I love that this has happened to me more than once.

So thinking about kids, particularly ways I can share my passion for music with my nephew, is what stemmed the idea for my first feature for Detour: Indie folk and their kids. I wasn’t totally sure what angle to go with, but after talking with some folks and getting such interesting and thoughtful answers, I decided to just feature a handful of people who are involved with and/or love Detroit music in some way and see what role that love of music plays in their relationship with their offspring. We had so much fun with it that Detour has declared that this is part one of an ongoing series. So if there are some music moms and dads in Detroit you think would be good for a piece like this let me know – I’d love to get your feedback.

Show Review: Langhorne Slim @ The Pike Room 3/15/09

I saw Langhorne Slim last Sunday at the fantastic Pike Room in Pontiac. So did several rabble rousing hippies or "college kids" as they are sometimes known. I was not familiar with Langhorne Slim until a few months ago - my girlfriend is a big fan of his. It's one of several bands/artists she's brought to my attention that I really like. I love that part. As an added bonus, openers Empty Orchestra played an awesome song about the Flint sit down strike. The song kicks ass. It's available as a 7 inch. This 7 inch is white vinyl. Go here and get it. They are from Flint, so if you don't buy it, they can probably kick your ass. It was a good show, and Detour's photographer Bianca Garza was there too, and got some nice shots. Read it/see it here.

Record Review: Morrissey

If there's one unwavering thing that can be said about my musical tastes, it's that I'm totally gay for Morrissey. So gay in fact, that he's the only man I'd ever sleep with - which would work out perfectly, seeing as we'd just cuddle and talk about music. Needless to say, every Morrissey release is a big occasion for me - and the release of Years of Refusal was no different. I'm happy Metro Times let me review it, as the nominal fee for this service will cover a small portion of the costs for the three different formats of the album I purchased, plus the tickets to both his Ann Arbor show on Tuesday the 31st and his Chicago appearance the following Saturday. His last album, Ringleader of the Tormentors, came out in 2006, and the two new songs on last year's (do I still have any right to call this release fairly gratuitous since I bought the deluxe edition?) Greatest Hits album can only tide a girl over for so long. Now, I can think of SO many exceptionally nerdy, detailed things to say about Morrissey, this new record, his career, etc. But I am stopping myself, because I fear I'll sound like a Star Trek geek - you know: the kind who, when you mention you've seen the show before, launch into their deepest thoughts, feelings, philosophies, and episode dissections before you can say "The Trouble With Tribbles." I don't want to be that guy. But if you're ever up for a Morrissey minutiae conversation, come talk to me. But don't fucking talk to me about Star Trek. Seriously.

Record Reviews: Mazes, Anni Rossi, Swan Lake

Welcome to the Happy St. Patrick's Day edition of Pillow Fights & Boxing Tuesday. For this special O'Holiday, I cleverly chose to review three records for Detour's New Music Guide that fit the bill: Mazes (from Ireland!), Swan Lake (all part Irishmen!) and Anni Rossi (totally looks Irish!). No. None of this is true. Well, actually, I don't know the ethnic make-up of those guys from Swan Lake. Nor do I care. Because I don't especially care about St. Patty's Day. Since I'm not even good at getting drunk, it's not exactly a holiday that has a strong appeal for me. Also, I don't like getting killed by drunken drivers as much. Woo! Woo! Woo! Did somebody call the Fun Police? I figured, because my phone is ringing.

Record Reviews: Elvis Perkins In Dearland, Julie Doiron, Handsome Furs

In case you have not yet heard, Detour has been revamped, relaunched and is back in the game. That game being Chutes and Ladders. Detour will be spinning a numbered wheel and subsequently climbing precariously placed ladders and zooming down attached-to-nothing slides that would give any OSHA representative a heart attack. Detour understands that if, when nearing the 100th square, it overshoots by spinning a number greater than that of the remaining number of squares on the board, Detour loses a turn and will have to keep spinning until they land on 100. So in other words, I'm hoping to help them keep spinning until they land on 100. I am sure you understand.

I love the new Detour look and expanded content and I'm happy to be able to write some stuff for them. Today marks the first "Detour New Music Guide" which will go up every Tuesday. It's a little scaled down this week, but will eventually be 12 reviews for your reading and listening pleasure. I'll be reviewing three records a week. This week I chose Elvis Perkins In Dearland, Julie Doiron and Handsome Furs. I liked all three of these records, but particularly the Elvis Perkins. That one was a pleasant surprise and I highly recommend it. Fans of Langhorne Slim, Avett Brothers, and other such "alt-country" mish-mash should be fond of it.

Also, as good as the record is, am I the only person that really dislikes the Handsome Furs album cover? If your friend showed that to you and said, "Hey - here's the mock up of my band's new EP - do you like it?" I would hope your answer would be as honest as your friendship is strong. For instance, if it's a really good friend, you might say, "Wow. Is that your only copy?" When they said "Yes. It is," because they obviously bypassed technology and did it with scissors and paste like a collage one might make at a senior center, you would grab it out of their hand and, panicking, stuff it into your mouth, chewing furiously. They will look on, shocked into inaction by their horror and surprise. You will then spit it on the ground and say, "I'm sorry - I did this because I love you." If they're not that good of a friend, just say, "Yes. Nice mock up." Because who cares about their stupid band anyway?

Wonder Twins Review: The Metro Times 12th Annual Blowout, Day 3

I am too tired to give you a long intro. But here's our day three recap.

A note about day 4: I hear it was awesome. I took a Blowout break and attended the Prussia/Ohtis/Dent May show in Pontiac. It was worth it. BUT I was at Blowout for a most awesome part of it - namely the Friendly Foes set that wrapped up the event. Sadly, earlier in the day D'Anne succumbed to "the vapors" like Southern ladies did in the olden days, she was unable to attend. This foiled our 'Wonder Twins Blowout Day 4 Recap: gratuitous Friendly Foes edition" plans. But suffice to say, it was awesome. I was worried about not being able to get in, seeing as Friday night's I, Crime set had the Belmont filled to capacity. But my girlfriend and I arrived between sets and were able to get right in. And subsequently RIGHT up front - which is the only way to see stuff properly at the Belmont, and considering how oddly narrow the venue is, something only 4 or 5 people can really do. This guy was there right next to me. Which is exactly how I ended LAST year's Blowout: Ryan Allen, Smoke, and the guy who became my first friend back in Detroit. I owe him flowers or something.