Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Welcome to Detroit!

Update: The video keeps getting taken down. But this Curbed Detroit article still seems to have a functioning version of it.

Hello Detroit Team!

First of all, nice job with the video! You youngsters are so good at the YouTube. I'm not so savvy. Just yesterday I pasted a mess of embed code onto Michelle Bachmann's Facebook page when trying to share a beautiful photo montage of Anne Geddes pictures set to the soothing sounds of Enya. I'm always doing things like that! You'd think my "all powerful, all knowing" self would be less of a fuddy-duddy about this technology stuff. Alas! I digress...

Are you ready for your journey to Detroit? I am sure you are! I have heard that you're getting some real flack from heathens and naysayers about your mission, but please don't let that deter you. There are few things that keep me up at night as much as the ancient ruins of the Motor City. In fact, for the past two and half years I've been spending a lot of time trying to "think outside the biblical box" on this one. One night, while on a Netflix binge (Ten commandments or not, Toddlers & Tiaras is a riot), it dawned on me: Why not send a group of young, idealistic Christian youths to open a coffee shop in the slums of the ravaged city of Detroit? I mean, I've literally tried everything else. I thought I nailed it (apologies to Jesus for that one) with the Slow's business, but it's time to pull out the big guns.

So it's up to you guys now. Though it's obvious from the words you speak in this video you're totally prepared and understand the city very well, I have enclosed an "I Lift Detroit In Prayer" bumper sticker. Printed in a most holy font on a beautiful yellow background, this sticker will let people know you're completely legit and belong in this city. I've also thrown in a few of my business cards. Feel free to give them to people who question your mission. Note that on my cards, my blog address reads "" Stupid printers in Sodom didn't catch the typo. But I took care of them. Anyway, please write in the missing "w" for me - I was going to do it myself, but Jerry Falwell swiped the pen off my desk - again

So thanks, guys! Oh! Before I forget, I've got some cool drink name ideas for you too! Mecca-mocha, Bible-beans, Jesus-java, Christ's Caffeine, Exodus Espresso, Roasted Revelations... I'm not trying to brag, but those are just off the top of my head! If you wanna use any of 'em, it's your call - I don't wanna micromanage. I'm sure you're going to do great.

Yours truly, 



O said...

I believe I just fell in love with you, Laura!

(Laura) said...

Whoa. As flattered as I am, I hope you'll respect the fact that I'm spoken for. I won't be able to make you my fan club president as a consolation either (see: Selena).

O said...


Well, still a cool post either way.

D'Anne Witkowski said...

For context:

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