Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Like shooting fish in a barrel. Fat, gay-hating, Christian fish.

Alert! Alert! McDonald's is leading the way to gay people gay-marrying each other! You may have thought that the McDonald's Corporation's biggest concern was selling their product and expanding their franchise until even Uruguay has their own (What? They have three?) ... okay... until they have locations as far away as Qatar (Wait, what? Qatar has thirteen?! Damn it.) ... until they have many, many locations over many, many lands, but global domination is NOT their top priority!

Instead McDonald's has decided to "give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage." Oh, yes... and we all know there's only one way to stop a corporation once they give their "full weight" to the homos: by boycotting them with a website that exposes them to the world! Thankfully, we have The American Family Association looking out for us. Why, in order to right the wrongs of McDonald's all you have to do is visit

Visitors are encouraged to leave feedback for McDonald's on the site. Huge props to Wonkette for providing me with the hilarity that is most all of the comments. As I was reading through them, I thought to myself, "How fun would it be if I was a McDonald's customer service representative charged with responding to said feedback, and today was my last day of work? How would I choose to respond?" Let's play pretend:

"because McDonald's had taken a stand to support the activist gay agenda that is destroying the core of family values in the U.S. we will take a stand to support McDonald's competitors such as In-n-Out and Chick fil-A."

Go ahead. I mean, what could possibly be gayer than a restaurant called, "In-n-Out?"

"America is tired of corporations and organizations twisting the free speech and actions of its citizens into 'hatred' when we simply oppose the corporation's, or organization's, involvement in areas where we don't want our money going. Opposing your involvement says nothing about the individual's point of view on homosexuality and yet you claim to know, anyway. How arrogant and childish. We are tired of the brainwashing politically correct movement. I hoped McD's was smarter than that, but obviously it's not. Don't expect anymore of my money."

You know, if you're going to take that sort of tone, you don't get to call us "McD's" anymore. That's strictly for our homies. We are no longer homies.

"We love your fries, but we will not compromise truth. You have taken money that our family, and millions of others, have contributed to the success of the McDonald's Corp. and chosen to use it for an agenda that defies the foundation of our nation, the family, as created by a man and woman. Perhaps you should spend more time sitting at the tables in the play yards of the thousands of McD's restaurants around the country. We will only be missing the fries, but your corporation has lost something much greater, respect and truth."

So you love our fries and trolling for children in our play yards. You will not be missed.

"I will take me 10 great grand children to Wendys BurgerKing or some other place. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN!"

Aye, Aye, Captain Grandpa, you and the little pirates have fun at Wendys BurgerKing.

"It was bad enough having to keep my Spanish to English dictionary handy every time I pulled up to your drive-thru window (to the tune of about $1,000 per year). But this is the final straw (and I guess the final Big Mac) for me. Your blatant disregard for the strongly held moral values most Americans hold dear has cost you my business. Yes, Wendy's, I will have a Frosty with that."

To the tune of $1,000 a year, huh? I have a new tune for you. It is called, "You Are A Racist, Homo-Hating Fat Ass." Sing it to the tune of "I Need Another Frosty Like I Need Gastric Bypass. Oh Wait, I Do Need Gastric Bypass."

"Very disappointed in the McDonald's corporation and what they promote. They will never see a red cent from us again!"

We don't want your money anyway, Commie.

"My family has supported your business for well over 25 years. We have been loyal customers eating at your establishments 4 times/week. It pains me to say, but, I now will take my business and hard-earned money elsewhere. As much as we have enjoyed the food over the years, we will not continue to do so because of your close-minded leadership. We are amazed that your leadership is taking this stand. Such ashame. You will be losing nothing just to be neutral on same sex marriages. Now you WILL lose.... customers. The loss of revenue is completely YOUR choice."

It "pains you to say" it because you probably have gout from eating at our establishment 4 times a week. Talk to your doctor.

"We eat at McDonald's twice every week, for now, we have to wait untill you guys change your mind. This will hurt you Internationally."

I don't know that it will hurt us Internationally. Particularly in France. As you may already know, everybody in France is gay.

"Issues of sexual orientation have NO PLACE in an organization that specifically targets children in its advertising. To treat homosexuality as an issue that has been 'settled' as a cultural norm is to spit-on the cherished religious beliefs of millions of people throughout the world. This is not about HATE, McDonalds, but about good people opposed to a lifestyle we believe is immoral. You are free to use your money and power as you please, but until you resind all public support of this agenda, I will exercise my freedom to not support you."

We are not spitting on the cherished religious beliefs of millions. Although I've heard of enough instances of disgruntled teenage McDonald's employees spitting on the burgers of rude customers, that it's probably not a rumor.

"I have been a McDonald's customer sine your 'burgers cost fifteen cents! Since you have decided to advocate and support the destruction of traditional mariage, and, by extension, the family, I will no longer patronize your stores. Burger King suits me fine now."

We respect your opinion and appreciate you taking the time to contact us, Senator McCain.

"As soon as I heard about this, I immediately sent out an email to over 400 of my friends and family, as well as posted it on a networking website encouraging others to boycott as well. We just went on a trip, in which we usually stop at McDonald's 3 to 4 times for our 4 children. This time we opted for other choices and explained to our children why we can't eat at McDonalds anymore...they were very sad. We traveled with a group of 10 people and after discussing what was going on, we all opted to not eat at McD's the entire trip."

I too would be very sad if my parents explained to me that they were religious nuts. By the way, 400 friends on MySpace is not that many, and most of those gorgeous ladies who've sent you friend requests aren't real.

"My boycott of McDonald's just cost your company at least $300 dollars a month...and that's just what my family spent there. That does not include all of our friends and family that I've told who were equally outraged at your support of the NGLCC. Did I mention the roughly $300 a month over the last 5 years or so? Add that up if you will."

Let's see... $300 a month times 5 years = Your family must be really fat.

"We have purchased our last happy meal for my family of 6"

I am sorry to hear that times are so hard that you've had to split one happy meal among your family of 6. I do believe this has more to do with the economic policies of the Bush administration and less to do with our full support of the gay agenda. Regardless, I hope things start looking up soon for you folks.


Anonymous said...

Laura- you're so funny! I MISS you!

Anonymous said...

This cracked me up!...Somehow I got on a conservative mailing list so I received an urgent ALERT to this info. I clicked on the link to see the "offensive and graphic" pics of the gay pride parade in San Fran. I had to click 4 times, as a new screen came up each time to make sure I knew "These are REALLY OFFENSIVE PICS! ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SEE THEM????" I was so excited to see the full frontal nudity and depraved acts being performed in public that were promised to me that it was a huge letdown to see one exposed boob with a pasty on it, and a guy in a leather thong. It was pretty disappointing to me, but was probably very titillating to many of the religious nuts. --Claire

D'Anne Witkowski said...

Haven't any of these people seen Supersize Me? Jesus Christ, indeed.

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