If your house wasn't robbed, go have FUN this weekend!

It's Memorial Day Weekend! Whoo! Memorial Day is the perfect example of America's greatness. It's a national day of turning a blind eye to our war dead in favor of drunken backyard BBQs and amazing storewide sales! War? What war? I just picked up some choice cuts of grillin' meat and got these cute scoopneck tops two for one at Macy's! I know! USA! USA! USA!

But really Memorial Day as whole is kind of lame. Compare it to, for instance, the yearly Easter celebration in Mexico's Sierra Madre mountains. It is a week long celebration of unparalleled drunkenness and debauchery that features both the burning of a Judas effigy complete with giant wooden erection, and grandmothers running around pretending to hump their grandsons. Makes your red white and blue disposable plates and plastic table cloth seem pretty weak, right?

But Detroit's Memorial Day live music offerings are almost as cool as a burning Judas erection. So you should go check out a show or two. There are several in the sidebar, but many, many more (choices = freedom worth fighting for!). I'll probably be too busy in OCD breakdown mode scrubbing down every inch of wallspace in my house in ("if I can get it clean enough, they can't break in again!") but YOU should probably go to this:

I mean, there's a CHANCE somebody might be able to convince me to leave my house to check it out. And as long as those efforts don't involve your grandmother trying to hump me, I won't stop you from trying.