Fillet Misty for me...

To the people freaking out about the horse meat "scandal:" Your arbitrary distinction between animals that are "ok to eat" and animals that are "gross/wrong to eat" is very perplexing to me. But then again, so is your decision to purchase and consume two dozen Swedish meatballs for $1.00 during a shopping break at a discount furniture store.

Ok. I personally think it's wrong to eat all animals, not just horses. But this horse meat fiasco shows how arbitrary humans are about the animals and ultimately, the food they consume. Considering how inundated we are with sensational news stories, it's usually best to try to quell the alarmist side of our brain. Otherwise we'd spend all of our time hiding in our make-shift bunkers, drinking distilled water from BPA-free bottles and wondering when Obama will order a drone strike on our property so he can steal our guns from our cold, dead hands. But in light of this horse meat story, I don't think it's an alarmist reaction to ask yourself, "Hmmm... what the fuck are we actually eating nowadays?"   

This is true for everybody, but especially true for meat eaters. Truth be told, the process of turning an animal into a meal is more horrifying and barbaric than anything in the Saw movie franchise. It is therefore not surprising that people would rather not think about what animals being "raised for meat" entails, or to really question the arbitrary distinction we make between companion animals and food animals. It's far too messy to question that arbitrary line. I can understand that. But there are consequences to our willful ignorance. 

The meat industry does not worry much about consumers holding them accountable because they know the people have basically settled on a "this ground chuck is delicious, just don't tell me how it's made" approach. I think it's crucial to be more cognizant of where all of our food comes from and to hold the food industry to higher standards. But this is especially true for meat since so much cruelty, suffering and pain goes into the making of it. Which makes right now a perfect opportunity for all of us to do some reevaluation of our food choices.

People want to know that the food they're eating is safe and contains what the label says it contains. But by and large, we just make assumptions and allow slick marketing and packaging to placate our food concerns. I know people who have taken months to research the perfect iPhone case. I know very few people who have taken even an hour to research the food they're eating. And I fully include myself in this latter category. (Though not the former. I don't care that much about technology accessories.)

I know that I can't convince you to stop eating meat, though that would be pretty awesome if you did. But I think you owe it to yourself, your family and the animals that end up on your plate to do even some cursory research into what you're putting into your body, where it comes from and what your grocery money is supporting. Read "The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food" by Michael Moss which just appeared in the New York Times Magazine. I also suggest checking out the blog 100 Days of Real Food and taking the 10 Day real Food Pledge. I will be.

Or, you can get all reactionary and scream "nanny state!" and make the case that you can eat yourself to death if you want to and nobody's gonna tell you otherwise. And that's fine. You're on an MSG bender and it's making you cranky. We get it. But you're not "sticking it to the man" by allowing the food industry call all the shots about your diet. You're not "standing up to government tyranny." You're just needlessly ingesting garbage and compromising your own health for no reason. Why do that? Don't you deserve better?

This is all coming from somebody who, if left to her own devices, would subsist on Red Bull, Little Debbie and frozen pizza. So believe me, reevaluating and changing my food choices is going to be a personal challenge. But I'm in the fortunate position to have the resources to take on that challenge. And I'm not gonna let some little girl in a checkered dress send me to an early grave, even if her snacks are fucking delicious.  Because there are way greater joys in life than Swiss rolls and I'm gonna aim for 'em. So should you.

Less horse. More health. Let's do this. 

Dear Mr. President: End the War on Pot. Start a War on Rape.

Dear Mr. President:

Welcome back for a second term as the President of the United States of America! I, along with millions of other people, are really glad you won this election. Your opponent's campaign was a poorly run mess and large parts of the Republican platform revealed a party that is out of touch with reality and terrible at prioritizing. You, on the other hand, represent the promise of a forward-thinking, progressive America. A country ready to tackle inequality and to reevaluate policies that are antiquated, inadequate and harmful to the citizens of this country.

Now, I know that you've got some serious obstacles in your way. Mainly, Congress. A body politic so reviled by the American people that a recent Public Policy Poll revealed that voters think more highly of head lice and Nickelback than the outgoing 112th Congress. Yes, you read that correctly – Nickelback is more popular than these clowns. Yikes. We both know that, despite some change ups, the 113th Congress is gonna kick just as much sand in your face and make your life as difficult as possible every chance they get. So good luck with that.

But sometimes your administration makes bad decisions that can't be blamed on the insanity of Congress. Decisions that make you look as out of touch with reality and terrible at prioritizing as your political opponents. The case of Aaron Sandusky is a perfect example of this. Sandusky faces 10 years behind bars for selling pot through his dispensaries in the state of California. Where medical marijuana is legal. But, since federal law trumps state law, the federal government decided to go after him anyway. The U.S. Attorney's office recently announced his conviction and sentence without any hint of shame or embarrassment. Which is in and of itself a shame and an embarrassment.

People all over this country have watched helplessly as money for police, firefighters, schools and public services has disappeared from their communities. It's no surprise that voters in two states legalized marijuana this past election. Because it doesn't take a degree in law or political science to recognize that our country has far greater problems than the neighbors smoking weed – whether for their glaucoma or because they had a stressful day at work. Who gives a shit when, because your city has had to cut their police force to the bone, you're not even sure the cops will come if you have an actual emergency. 

It has puzzled me for some time as to why so much of our law enforcement hours and dollars are wasted on marijuana. There is so much evidence pointing to the drug's potential benefits, as well as refuting the ridiculous claims about it being harmful. Alcohol is physically addictive and, if ingested to excess, can kill you. It also, if judging by the actions of my across-the-street neighbor, can cause you to violently kick and punch your front door while screaming horrible, threatening obscenities at your girlfriend for over an hour on CHRISTMAS DAY. Marijuana, on the other hand, does none of these things. And yet it is illegal and alcohol isn't. I can't tell you how much I wished the asshole across the street was stoned out of his mind on the Lord's birthday rather than being lit up on hooch. It would have made our annual holiday viewing of Home Alone a lot more peaceful and less scary.

So why the continued assault on stoners? I think I have a good hunch. It boils down to the United States Prison Industrial Complex. You need to fill the cells. We now boast 7 to 10 times more inmates than most other developed nations. This is staggering. And insane. But what's most insane is how many people we have locked up on drug charges. I'll go ahead and quote Fareed Zakaria's Time article from this past April called "Incarceration Nation" here, because he says it better than I could:

Drug convictions went from 15 inmates per 100,000 adults in 1980 to 148 in 1996, an almost tenfold increase. More than half of America's federal inmates today are in prison on drug convictions. In 2009 alone, 1.66 million Americans were arrested on drug charges, more than were arrested on assault or larceny charges. And 4 of 5 of those arrests were simply for possession.


The part that sticks out the most to me here is "more than were arrested on assault or larceny charges." As I'm sure you're aware, there have been some staggeringly horrific stories in the news recently about sexual assault and rape. From Steubenville, Ohio to India, the problem of violence against women is getting a lot of attention right now. It's a pandemic of the worst kind. One that has a profound effect on the world, particularly as it relates to the safety and well being of half of the human population. This is by far a bigger, scarier and more important scourge than marijuana. Yet I can't help but notice it is not being treated as such. And that needs to change. Now. Lets trade those pot heads for rapists in our prison population.

Here's my idea: You know all that money we're spending on this failed "war on pot?" It's time to allocate some of it to a war we should be fighting: The war on rape. The best way to start this? Take the law enforcement dollars we're wasting on weed and use it to test rape kits. There's an estimated 400,000 rape kits currently backlogged in this country. 11,000 in the city of Detroit alone. These numbers make me physically ill. We can find the resources to lock up thousands of people on possession charges, but not to test evidence that would put away violent criminals? That, Mr. President, is unconscionable. So is the fact that House Republicans just killed a bill addressing this very issue. But if one of the GOP hang ups about the Sexual Assault Forensic Evidence Registry (SAFER) Act was how to pay for it, this reallocation of law enforcement funds seems like just as great an answer as you're likely to find. Let's be an example to the rest of the world and show that our priorities are in the right place. Americans deserve better than this. We demand better than this. Do the right thing, Mr. President. The citizens of this country are watching you, and the world is watching our country. 

So end the war on pot. Start a war on rape. 

Sincerely,

Laura in MI, though I suspect I'm far from alone

A flimsy cardboard podium, a ballpoint pen on a string... It's Election Day in America!

Happy Voting Day! Stuck in line and feeling increasingly homicidal about it? I suggest you read my account of working the polls during the 2008 election. That will help pass the time and make you potentially less likely to punch a poll worker.

Part 1: But where the President is never black, female or gay… or: On the eve of my debut as a pollworker

Part 2: We won't vote Conservative, because we never have... or: Everybody's (poll) workin' for the weekend

Best of luck to you today!

Gay thoughts

Aside from the fact that I did gay park my car this morning, today feels different. I woke up this morning the first thing that occurred to me was, "This is the first morning of my life in which I live in a country where the President openly supports my right to get married." It's so easy to get tripped up on all the pessimism, political speculation, etc. I'm usually one of the first to do it. But I can't right now. Not yet. I'm going to enjoy this watershed political moment unencumbered by negativity and naysaying. We still have a way to go - a long way. But this is huge.

Additionally, I'll go ahead and be the fun police on one other point. Over the years I've heard a lot of straight people who support gay marriage say, "Gay people deserve to be just as miserable as the rest of us!" I totally get that this is meant as a show of support for equality while at the same time poking fun at the institution of marriage and its many failings. You're being funny, I know! But it's really not all that funny. First of all, because it's just such a tired joke. It's like when you meet a co-worker named Roxanne and your instinct is to start singing that song by the Police. As if she's never heard that before. And like she finds humor in being equated to a prostitute through an overplayed song that you probably can't even sing well. But because you have a weak humor filter, you make a scrunched up, eyes closed, sincere rocker face and sing, "Put on the red light!" and then you smile and look at her like, "Right? Get it?" Later you are surprised and confused to find out she thinks you are a total idiot. 

But also, it just seems a little smug to demean rights you take for granted. It's easy to be like, "Pshh. Marriage! No big deal!" when you can conceivably meet a woman at 7-11 today, stick a donut on her finger as a make-shift ring and go get married right then. And because you two have opposite private parts, the government will shower you with rights and privileges. Congrats! You're earned it! But then there is, for instance, two women who have been in a committed relationship for 10 years and built a life together. They don't have magical opposite-sex privates, so they can't "be as miserable as the rest of you!" Instead, they have to be miserable worrying that if one of them becomes terminally ill they won't be allowed to visit their spouse in the hospital. Because "only immediate family" are allowed and one partner's parents disapprove of the relationship and are willing to let their daughter die without her partner by her side to show they're good Christian people. Or any number of other things that you and your 7-11 bride won't have to worry about in your worst nightmares. 

See how it becomes less funny and kind of even makes you seem like a jerk? Good, thank you. If not, feel free to stop by Roxanne's desk to tell her she doesn't have to wear that dress tonight. You'll make her day.